Welcome to the Significant Impact podcast, the show dedicated to helping women faculty convert their NIH Career Development Award into their first big R01. This period in your career is such an important turning point, and it's a crucial opportunity to design the kind of research career that really works for you so that you're able to write and lead these big, career-fueling research project grants. It's not easy to figure out what you really want when you have so many different voices in your ear telling you what to do and how to do it, but it is possible to design a career that's fulfilling and meaningful to you while also securing enough grant funding to sustain your lab and make an impact with your research. That's what we're talking about here on Significant Impact, with me, sarah Dobson, nih grant consultant and academic career coach. Tune in for an honest look at what it really takes to be successful in the world of NIH grant funding. Start thinking differently about what an academic career looks like, one that's driven by purpose and curiosity and a healthy dose of disruptive energy. So a couple of months ago, I was shocked that I was able to recover this document, and so I ended up going through and pretty much reading the whole thing, and I wanted to talk about that today. Obviously, in broad strokes, I'm not going to read you my diary or anything, but I wanted to talk about what I discovered and how it relates to what I'm doing and the work that we do together inside K to R Essentials. And I know that this episode is a little bit different from what we normally talk about because it is a bit more personal, but I think it's so relevant to what we do and I wanted to bring this angle into it, because what was so fascinating about discovering this journal and rereading it was that I could see the seeds of the work that I am doing now, and so I want to talk a little bit more about what that is.

So you know, 12-ish years ago I was in a very different place. I was really struggling to figure out what I wanted, both personally and professionally. I was doing a lot of therapy and that is a lot of what showed up in my journal. So I was writing in this journal pretty much every day, often multiple times a day, and really grappling with big questions about what I want for myself and the goals that I have and do I even have a right to have these goals? And then the flip side of that, which is the disappointments that I was experiencing and grappling with all of these disappointments, and what I think is most important about all of that was the way that I was in dialogue with myself, like I was really having a conversation with myself in writing for years and doing my best to make sense of who I am as a person and who I want to be, and the delta between who I am at the moment and who I want to be, both in terms of my character and my aspirations and my achievements, and it I mean, let me tell you I was so moved by reading all of this again.

I was in a weird kind of funk for probably two full weeks, I would say, you know, going back and rereading this journal just in part, I think, recognizing how far I'd come, but also just having so much compassion and sadness for this person and where she was and what she was grappling with. But, like I said, I saw in that dialogue that I was having with myself the seeds of the work that I do now. So one former student, a graduate of K-R Essentials, described what we do in the program as guided introspection, and I really obviously saw a lot of that introspection in the journal, in the posts that I was putting in this journal, and what I realized in rereading all of that was how important it was, of course, for me back then to be introspective and to really confront myself and be honest with myself and really deal with some big, scary things. But just that process of being introspective and and being honest has allowed me to obviously better understand myself but be a lot more compassionate with myself, and that in turn has allowed me to accomplish all of those things that I was struggling with back then. And so what I realized in rereading all of that was I am bringing a lot of that self-inquiry, that dialogue, into what we do in the program because of how important it was for me. And that's not to say that I am encouraging anybody in K-R Essentials to air their dirty laundry or confront their demons in a group setting. That's not it at all.

But I think the piece that is really important is the honesty and the work of getting really honest with yourself. In the case of the work that we're doing, it's being honest with yourself about your capacity, about your willingness to do a particular piece of work or engage with a particular colleague on a project. It's getting really honest about your aspirations, about your goals, about the impact that you want to have, and not shying away from your ambition. It is being honest with yourself in order to communicate well with your colleagues. Everybody understands what is going on, and that honesty is so crucial, and I think it's really easy to be dishonest, to lie to ourselves about what is really going on, how we're really feeling, what our goals and ambitions really are, and so it's vital to take the time to actually sit down and be in dialogue with yourself and really develop that relationship with yourself, and I know, obviously, how helpful it is for me.

But one of the things that I hear over and over again from graduates of the program is that they are taking that practice with them after they complete their time in the program. They are regularly going to revisit their North Star, they are regularly going to check in with themselves. They are regularly going to revisit their North Star. They are regularly going to check in with themselves. They are regularly going to celebrate wins and successes, because they also recognize how valuable it is to be introspective, to be in dialogue with yourself and to really develop that relationship with yourself. And so I just want to leave you with that.

Today, this strange little coincidence, I suppose that I came across this journal that spanned a really turbulent time in my life and, looking back, really informed the work that I do today and who I am today. So if I can leave you with a piece of advice which, of course, as always, you can take or leave it's to find a way to be in dialogue with yourself, whether that's keeping a journal, whether that's meditating, whether that's just finding quiet and space to really hear yourself. I think that that is so important. Especially in the times we are in, where we are bombarded with news and information and speed and all kinds of demands and responsibilities. It is so important to carve out that time to be with yourself and to really be able to hear what it is that you are saying. So that is it for this week, my friends. I will see you next time.

Thanks for listening to this episode of significant impact Impact from K Award to your first big R01. If you want to dig deeper into what we learned today and move a significant step closer to a smooth K-R transition, visit sarahdobsonco slash pod and check out all the free stuff we have to help you do just that. Don't forget to subscribe to the show to make sure you hear new episodes as soon as they're released, and if today's episode made you think of a colleague or a friend, please tell them about it. Tune in next time and thanks again for listening. Thank you,